Hello sweet souls,
This April has been interesting to say the least! We are in the midst of the eclipse season and for the entire month of April Mercury is in retrograde. I was taught that instead of getting anxious about retrogrades it is more helpful to remember to “re” everything. Re-check, re-visit, re-evaluate, re-member. This was very helpful to me. Also, it is a time to rest, relax and rejuvenate. Retrograde doesn’t have to be all crazy if we just slow down a little from our normal day to day rat race. How have you been feeling?
That solar eclipse was powerful. Eclipses are meant to stir things in us that we may be overlooking. This eclipse started out with a really bad headache the day before for me. As I grow in my energy journey, I am learning that the astrological shifts affect me more than I realized. It has happened before that a certain full moon or planetary shift has brought energies that leave me with a headache, so I just assumed it would go away in a day or two.
This turned out to be more than a headache. After 3 days of a headache, I had 3 days of a terrible sore throat and fatigue, followed by an annoying hacking cough and fatigue that I am still dealing with over a week later. It has been a minute since I have had any significant healing opportunity ( this is what I say instead of affirming a sickness ). Since I quit smoking almost 5 years ago, I have been very healthy.
Before I quit smoking, there were mornings I would wake up coughing so hard and nonstop that I would pass out. I had mild COPD and asthma whenever I got sick. I was often sick back then. I have allergic reactions to a million things. One of them happens to be cigarettes.
I was a naive kid when I started. I quit once for 4 years and started again. Altogether I smoked for 24 years.
As a child I had colic, recurrent ear infections and allergies. You see, the eclipse definitely stirred something within me. Everyone knows that there is a high likelihood of people with chronic illness to be depressed. It seems understandable that if you feel like garbage all the time you will get depressed. Missing out on things, being a burden on your family not only of their time but also their resources. For some it's money for medicine, for others it's understanding, especially for those who are never ill or just push through and get on with life.
The person struggling with their health starts to feel like there's something wrong with them intrinsically. They wonder what they did to deserve this plight in life. What kind of karma they are paying for or what are they doing that the gods are not approving of!
I have done much healing in the inner child realm. I have retrieved many of my soul fragments. I am no longer afraid to walk in the shadows and do the work. AND, there is always another level of healing to explore. Healing happens in a spiral. You also have to be in a safe place in your life or a safe space to allow you to work with your subconscious or shadow. When you heal a wound, you continue along the spiral. That healing integrates over time and when you feel ready and safe enough to do so, you will revisit again and heal it on another level.
So this eclipse stirred up inside me a healing opportunity. For most of my life, I didn’t not feel good enough or like I fit in anywhere. Like most, I blamed my parents in my teens and twenties. Then I became a parent and worked on healing my beliefs and relationship with my parents. Constantly drilling down trying to find the place in time that those limiting beliefs were planted.
I have been studying epigenetics, ( how our genes are influenced by our environment and the field ) past lives, and more recently the Akashic Records. You would have thought, I would have realized the role my ongoing battle with health has played in my life. It has been a battle since I was born. Yet somewhere in there, I blamed myself for smoking. I didn’t smoke when I had colic! I didn’t smoke when I was a toddler with chronic ear infections. I did however pick up on my parents desperation, not being able to help me. I could tell they felt negativity about me. I could feel their frustration and them wanting me to just stop crying.
Many of us are unaware that from in utero to around 10 years old are considered the formative years. We suck up everything we sense in our environment and record it in our subconscious. This information forms our belief systems about everything from self esteem and body image to politics and religion. The problem with that is, we interpret the sensations and assume they are ours or directed at us and most importantly we believe they are 100% true. Most times this is a misinterpretation. So as a first born child, I absorbed a lot of fear, frustration, desperation, fatigue, you name it. That misinterpretation turned into not feeling wanted, loved and a sense of not belonging. I felt like there was something wrong with me and that I was bad. I started to believe I deserved to feel like garbage.
Fast forward to this last week and the solar eclipse. As my headache morphed into a sore throat I started to go through my mind database and think of a time that I didn’t wash my hands or forgot to take my vitamins. I was searching for something I forgot or did wrong that caused me to feel ill. Then I remembered a quote i had read that said
“Being ill is not a punishment for something you did wrong,”
I had to sit with that for a minute. Is it even realistic to think a person can go through life without ever feeling ill. I don’t think it is. So why was I so adamant to figure out what I did wrong so that I could avoid making that same big mistake again? I know one piece of it is that, after so many years of not feeling well, I despise feeling ill. It reminds me of darker times in my life when I felt helpless and bad. The other piece is that I inherently am still running on old programming that I did something bad or wrong and this is my punishment.
In the last 5 years this is maybe the 2nd time I’ve been unwell for more than a day or two. I have been adamant about getting my rest, taking my supplements and listening to my body. I have been working on balance this year and really watching my energy levels. Looking back at my calendar, I may have overscheduled myself a little. Moving forward, I will be more mindful of this. At the end of the day, I believe this opportunity to heal has stirred a great realization inside of me. I misinterpreted many things as a child due to chronic illness. Nothing I could have done to change that. I also was depressed often due to illness. This started an interesting and sometimes dark journey to wellness. That, I am grateful for!
Now that I am at this place of wellness a majority of the time, I am now able to start healing those limiting and misinformed beliefs I developed, on a new level! I have the tools now to reprogram my subconscious beliefs and help my body find ease and comfort in knowing that I am inherently good and deserve to be healthy. To realize that everyone gets unwell once in a while and that is ok. This also has opened my eyes to my autoimmune issues I have been dealing with. It is a well known theory that people with autoimmune issues often deal with low self esteem and often struggle with self love.
This can be confusing, especially when we focus on healing this and don’t have the desired results. Understanding your conditioning is a huge gateway to forgiveness and healing.
I would love to hear what this eclipse has stirred in you to revisit. Until next time!
I wish you happiness, health, safety and love.
Becky Woods
